Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Estee Marie, a 35 year old woman, who loves art, and creativity. I spent 5 years in a relationship that I had no business being in, so when it finally ended - I can't say I was too surprised. The time I took to meditate and reflect on that situation helped me learn many things about myself.
Once I decided to let go of that facade I was trying to portray as reality - I made a vow to myself to live intentionally and refocus my energy. I'm sure you've heard the saying, "love your neighbor as you love yourself," but my issue was just that - I was not loving myself. How could I be married and not even love myself, but expect a man who showed ALL the signs that he was not in love with me, to give me a healthy relationship? That my friends is insanity! But, I did it.
There's Levels To This...
We never know how childhood trauma can be triggering, but I've discovered that whole relationship was an outward tantrum from a childhood trauma I thought I delt with - there's levels to healing! I've learned that healing is like peeling and onion, it's full of layers and as you pull them back it might make you cry.
If you follow my instagram @ed0tmarie, you'll notice I started using the hashtag #lovehardliveabundantly. After spending all that time living a lie, a decided I wanted to live in love, real love. I needed to experience the abundant life that I read about and believed God for, but was blocking myself from receiving by holding onto something I clearly heard the Holy Spirit tell me not to do (but that's another blog post for another day). I really wanted reminders for myself to keep my mind in the right perspective about everything I had been through. This hashtag is now my mindset. Love myself so I can receive love from others. Allow myself to live the abundant life that is promised to me by being true to myself and pursuing what makes my heart happy.
What Did We Learn?
Divorce is not the end of your life. Being in a healthy relationship is possible, so please don't give up on love. If you're still in the dating phase - DON'T IGNORE THE RED FLAGS - you see them for a reason, and they often times end up being the reason you break up. Love yourself first - do you even know your love language? Allow abundance to make its way to you by having a positive, grateful mindset. We become what we dwell on, so let's be grateful.
If you believe the meaning of this hashtag aligns with where you are and what you want in your life, I welcome you to join me in wearing it.